Picture this:

1981, New York Cities Upper East Side, new dog and cat bather starts work in snooty grooming shop on second avenue , this was the first time this bather was instructed to bathe a cat, he was told to place a grooming loop around the cats neck and place it in the bathtub, wet it down and the apply shampoo, but make sure you attach the other end of the loop to the hook  in the bathtub.  As a few moments go by, all of a sudden the bather comes shooting by the other groomers, the cat is attached to his head and neck, claws dug in for dear life, shampoo and blood running down the bather neck and face, in a panic the bather goes out the front door of the shop onto 2 avenue screaming and trying to pull the cat off his head, out goes the groomer chasing down the bather that is screaming and running down 2 avenue, finally the groomer gets the cat off the bather and back to the shop to continue the bath, but this time the bather decided to attach the loop to the hook in the tub, after that day, the bather took up another line of work.

The Tail of 2 poodles

Customer #1 is this very nice older couple who came in with a gray miniature poodle, this poodle was a complete lap dog, didn’t play with toys, or do any of the things that most young dogs do, this couple wanted a dog with spunk but what they got was a lump on a log.

Customer #2 is or was a hooker, or as some people may say, a lady of the evening, she comes in with a gray miniature poodle, but to the other extreme this poodle was put together with spit and vinegar, as you would say a live wire, the owner was catching a plane in the afternoon to California for business, so she planned on picking up her dog after grooming and heading to the airport for her flight.

Both dogs looked like they came from the same litter, almost Identical, and after both dog were groomed you couldn’t tell them apart, so this is what happened:

Customer #2 comes to pick up her dog and headed to the airport, so when the dog was handed over to her, she was amazed how calm and docile the dog was, she paid her bill and off she went.

Customer #1 comes in to pick up her lump on a log of a dog, and they noticed that the dog was playing and spunky, they asked the groomer what was with their dog, at that moment the groomer realized what had happened, they had given the Customer #2 the wrong dog, so the older couple was very understanding about what happened and took the dog home till arrangements could be made to swap dogs with the Lady of the evening, it turned out that each customer now has exactly what they wanted, moral of the story, everyone lived happily ever after.

Bi-costal customer

Let’s call this woman, Rose.  Rose was a good customer, she was a bi-coastal customer, and she had a house in California and an apartment in NYC, so one day she called and informed us that her cat had passed away a day before she was suppose to go to California, she was planning on bringing her cat with her, but now the cat had passed away she wanted to know what she could do, we told her to call the airlines and ask if she could  bring her dead cat onto the airline, they said no, she did not give her name, so she kept her reservations for her and the cat, she placed the cat into the carrier and told them at the airport that she gave the cat a tranquilizer.  So she figured that everything was going well and she would bury her cat in her yard in California.

She arrives in California and goes to pick up her cat, and there was some delay, one of the baggage handlers came out and told her the cat was put on another flight, can she come back in a few hours when the flight the cat was on arrives, they will call her, she said ok.

Back at the baggage claim area, the new baggage handler discovered that the women cat was dead and he felt responsible, so he went to the local ASPCA (pet rescue and found a cat that looked like the women’s cat and took it back to the airport and call the women and said her cat had arrived at the airport, so she went to pick up her cat and as the baggage handler was walking towards her the cat started to meow, with a happy look on his face the handler said here is your cat, and she was shaking her head no, this is not my cat, my cat is dead, I was bringing him her to bury him in my back yard, feeling so bad that the baggage handler went thru all that trouble to keep a satisfied customer, she decided to keep the cat and named him baggage.

I went away for the weekend, and my mother took care of my dog and look what happened.

Picture this: Brooklyn Heights 1989

I was working in a pet grooming shop in Brooklyn heights, the shop was in a shopping mall, across the walkway  was an apartment building with an entrance facing the shop and another entrance on the next street over, we had a customer who lived on the 17th floor of this building, and I would see her with the dog for a few months, but she would never exit on the side of the shop.   

So 6 months since the last grooming appointment. she stopped in the shop to make an appointment for this poodle, by this time it had dreadlocks, doody packed on it's butt and crust in the eye area, she makes the appointment, and shows up with the dog, well the first thing out of her mouth was, you will not believe this, pooche ran away from home 6 months ago and just showed up at my door, mind you this women lives in a high rise building on the 17th floor, so I said to her, it is amazing that this dog made it back home and passed by the doorman and took the elevator to the 17th floor and rang your bell and said I am home now after 6 months and I need a grooming, she shot back at me and said this is a true story, sure right, and I have a tattoo of the with word idiot on my forehead.

Reasons my dog is matted!

1. What's a matt?
2. I thought it was just dirt.
3. I left him at my brother / mother / sister / daughter / parents etc...house for a few days and he came back like this.
4. It was really windy yesterday.
5. Those are Mats? I thought his ears were fat.
6. I thought this breed was supposed to have hair like this.
7. Don't Mats just shed out?
8. But he doesn't LIKE to be brushed.
9. He didn't have Mats until he went out and rolled in the grass.
10. I thought dogs groomed themselves, you know, like cats.
11. He/She ran away from home and just came back.
12. It just happened this morning.
13. I used conditioner and look what happened.
14. He/She was just groomed 9 months ago.
15. You didn't send me a reminder card.
16. She/He was playing with the other dogs at the run this morning and look at it.
17. I wasn't told to brush him before his bath.
18. He got caught in the rain.
19. He was at the Vet's overnight.
20. The dog ate the brush.
21. The dog hid the brush.
22. What's a brush?.
23. I have to Tell the babysitter to do a better job at brushing the dog!
24. I want it like the last time he was groomed, you know like last year.
25. Someone told me he was a Rastafarian.
26. I forgot where the grooming shop was.
27. I made an appointment with the groomer, but the dog didn't want to go.
28. My dog got up this morning and didn't want to go to the groomer because she had a headache.
29. The lawn sprinklers were on so the dog got matted.

You Know your a groomer when!

1. There's more hair on you than on your dog.

2. Your dogs' nails are better cared for than yours.

3. People who travel with you on a regular basis who are allergic to dogs know to take their medication before leaving home or work.

4. When you get around to buying shampoo for yourself (and you already have all possible types of shampoo and conditioners for the dogs), you stand baffled in front of the shampoo isle... Pantene Pro V for dry scalp? For thin, oily hair? Where¹s the paste shampoo and the cream rinse?

5. You can¹t remember the last time you went to the hairdresser, but you can't stand it if you see a stray mesh of hair on your dog.

6. You're known as the "fastest scissors in town".

7. When you finally DO get around to going to the salon, you bring your own hairstyle magazine and absent-mindedly ask for the spaniel cut.

8. There are "before and after" shots of all the dogs you've ever groomed all over the house, and one set of dated photos of your kids between photos of Pansy the Poodle and Buster the Schnauzer.

9. You've customized your grooming table to perfection, but have trouble remembering how to build pasta.

10. Your friends know better than asking how your family is doing. Instead, they always ask, "So, have you bought any new equipment lately?"

11. When you have a doctors appointment and you make a note as a reminder and you write down that you have a Vets appointment.